


Hiraeth

by 2cute4school



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 'i thought i lost you' hugs, Arguments, Betrayal, Blood and Injury, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Guns, Hurt/Comfort, Mafia NCT, Nightmares, Platonic Relationships, Protectiveness, Reader-Insert, Self-Sacrifice, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Swearing, Threats, Torture, Trauma, Violence, Weapons, but only for each other, but only for reader, cuz they're a family til the very end, idk i hope i covered everything potentially triggering, more hurt less comfort lol, reader takes no shit from nobody, soft nct, the older members act like older brothers/parental figures, there is some fluff tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29694033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2cute4school/pseuds/2cute4school
Summary: “ I still love him and I’ll love Donghyuck until my heart bleeds out of love. But I don’t love and I have never loved the monster who stands before me.”Humans make mistakes and bad decisions. Donghyuck is human. But he'll strip his humanity for that one person, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 person.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Reader, Mark Lee (NCT)/Reader, NCT Ensemble & Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. You know I do

**Author's Note:**

> posted from my tumblr 2-cute-4-school °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

“Hiraeth - (n) a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was.”

Donghyuck was always by her side, her guardian angel and her partner in crime at the same time. Sure, he wasn’t ecstatic about having a little girl around them at all times in the beginning, but Taeyong was their leader and what he said had to be done. He remembered the day he met her so clearly, a lasting impression on him.

Taeyong had told them beforehand that a new member was going to arrive, but none of them ever expected her. Their squad was made up of only boys so seeing a frail girl trailing behind their leader left them shocked and frozen in their spots. Her eyes were wide, scanning her new surroundings and future teammates while tightly griping Taeyong’s shirt until her knuckles turned white. She tried to put on a brave face, but anyone with a decent sight could see that she was trembling like a leaf.

He later learned her name, Y/N, and that she was training for the spy position. Same as Donghyuck. They seemed to be around the same age but he still felt a strong need to protect her, shield her from any harm. She looked so small that day, meeting the other members who swarmed her as soon as she peeked out from behind their leader. The way her face broke into a grin as she found out she would be training alongside Donghyuck as spies broke his hard exterior and made him decide he would take her under his wing.

And now, years later, Y/N became the light in the endless night, a breath of fresh air after drowning in the fast waters of a rushing river, although neither Haechan nor the rest of the boys would ever tell her that. But it could be seen in the way they looked at her, drops of honey and stardust swimming in their eyes whenever they caught sight of her or in the relieved exhale of air whenever she hugged them, her warmth enveloping them like a comfort blanket. It was the subtle hints that showed their love for her and the other way around.

“Y/N, I’m going to murder you!”

“Taeyong told me to wake you up, why are you such a bitter bitch?”

“I’m not the bitch here”

“Is it because of old age, Doyoung? I know old people can get easily irritated, but damn, you’re on another level”

A vein popped at Doyoung’s temple and he deeply breathed in, trying to keep his composure before he went nuts and burned down the entire household.

“Y/N, I’ll give you three seconds to vanish from before my eyes”

And she didn’t need more as she zoomed past the rest of them, her giggles echoing around the hallways.

“This is what I get out of raising children” Doyoung sighed before plopping down on the couch beside the younger ones.

To be honest, Donghyuck wanted to murder both of them. As much as he liked making fun of his members, being dragged out of his room for an unknown reason wasn’t on his to-do list today. He simply wanted to play some video games with his roommate Johnny and Y/N, maybe eradicate their self-confidence when it came to survival games with his unmatched skills. What he didn’t want right now was petty bickering, even though it’s usually his forte.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the slam of the front door. Taeyong stormed inside, draping his coat and leaving his shoes by the door. His hair seemed messy and his movements were quite tense, very unlike for him.

“Are all of you here?”

No greetings, no smile. Something was going on.

Y/N trudged back in the living room with Yuta in tow, hearing the ruckus created by Taeyong’s hurried entrance. She sat down on the arm of the couch, beside Mark. Donghyuck took a moment to look at her. Her eyes turned serious, no glint of mischief in them anymore, her lips set in a straight line. Haechan gulped before turning his eyes back to their leader.

“Yes, what’s going on, Taeyong?” Taeil voiced out all of their thoughts. He also seemed tense, it was very weird that Taeyong hadn’t told him anything beforehand.

“I know none of you will like this, but we have a new mission” 

Everyone looked at each other. Missions weren’t anything new and it’s been quite some time since the last time they all went on one so they didn’t understand Taeyong’s worry.

“Alright, so? Things were starting to get boring anyway, so I don’t think anyone minds. What’s the job?” Johnny seemed even more content than the others at the mention of a mission

“Park Ji-won and his goons are having a party. All rich and influential people are invited. They’re probably trying to make connections with powerful people, maybe get them involved in their business. Wendy said he’ll have a USB flash drive with him. It contains future plans and reports of his actions if we get our hands on that he’s done for. Unfortunately, we’re not sure where it will be exactly. He probably won’t have it on him, it would be too risky, but other than that it could be anywhere in the house although his office seems most likely.”

Park Ji-won, the leader of one of the most powerful gangs in the country, a master of assassinations and other dirty deals, and NCT’s biggest threat. He hunted them down with every chance he got and killed any allies of Taeyong’s he could. Everyone knew it would be a hard mission. 

Johnny was the first one to break the silence.

“We can handle this, we’ve handled worse”

Taeyong bit his lip, anxiety showing on his face.

“The mission is tomorrow evening”

Silence. And then chaos. Questions and remarks were flying everywhere, most members in shock before Taeil shushed everyone. He looked Taeyong in the eyes, his glare ice cold.

“Do we have a plan already?”

Taeyong sighed before answering.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Y/N and Haechan will go in dressed up, blend in with the crowd. The hackers will stay here and monitor everything with some of us. The rest will wait in cars scattered near the party. I’ll fill in our spies with some info about the people there and come up with an inside plan, but that’s all”

Haechan’s hands started to sweat and his breathing became irregular. His mind was running wild and he seemed restless. His heart seemed to climb up his throat and jump out any minute. Haechan knew what this meant.

“Taeyong, this is too rushed and you know Ji-won isn’t a man to mess with” Taeil tried reasoning calmly.

“We’ll have to, this is a one time chance”

“BULLSHIT!” Johnny exploded. His excitement from earlier seemed to turn into anger at the announcement of the time of their mission “This is bullshit and you know it, Taeyong! What you’re doing is sending us, sending them” he gestured wildly to the couch where Y/N and Donghyuck were seated with wide eyes “on a suicide mission.”

“No, I’m not. We have a plan, as long as we don’t stray from it we’ll be fine”

Johnny was seething. He gritted his teeth, barely containing himself from exploding. Anyone could see his clenched fists by his side.

“I’ll shove this poor excuse of a plan so far up your ass it will reach your brain and unclog this shitty mindset of yours, I swear to God-”

“Let’s stop this, please” Y/N's voice was weak, any smaller and no one would have heard her. She was looking at her members fighting with a sore expression on her face “If we have to do this, let’s at least try to come up with something better, this is no usual mission.”

Taeil sighed as he gently pushed Johnny back.

“She’s right, you’re acting like clowns, did the hair dye fry your neurons?’”

His words seemed to cool down the room, but burn Donghyuck’s heart. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was in the early hours of the morning when they finally settled. Although their plan didn’t stray too much from the original one, details were added and the spies knew perfectly what they had to do. Things were still riskier than ever and tension was high in the air of the dorm.

Y/N stayed close to Donghyuck the entire time, his presence calming her down. As long as he was there beside her, she felt as if nothing could touch them, neither one would allow it. Over the years, their bond that first started as a simple partnership soon developed into what they liked to call a soulmate bond. They could understand each other without words and trust tied them together tighter than anything else.

“You should head to bed, bub. You need all the rest you can get.” A warm hand petted her hair, as she lifted her head to meet Johnny’s eyes. He could see the unspoken anxiety behind her fatigued orbs and he wanted nothing more but to wrap her in a fluffy blanket and protect her forever. But everyone knew it would never be possible.

Y/N tried to offer a smile, but it was weak and it didn’t meet her eyes. She was clearly feeling oddly off about their mission too.

“Right, goodnight then.” She lifted herself off from the armrest of the couch and began trudging back into her room, which she shared with Donghyuck. Said boy didn’t waste another second before following her.

“And kids?” Johnny waited a second until they both turned their heads towards him “Don’t worry too much, we won’t let anything happen to you.”

He smiled kindly, showing his fatherly side which surfaced only around them and it was enough to get Y/N to smile, even in the slightest while muttering a broken ‘thank you’ before continuing her short walk to the bedroom.

Donghyuck instead lingered a few more moments, eyes shining as he stared at Johnny’s retreating back. He shook his head as if snapping himself out of a trance and rushed to catch up to Y/N, who was already fluffing up her pillows to settle down.

As she finally stretched herself out on her mattress, Donghyuck hesitated nervously near her. His bed looked cold and lonely and right then, his mind wouldn’t have been able to achieve peace without the help of his lifeline. His soul was too agitated and his heart was beating erratically, almost shattering his rib cage to escape its dark prison and find itself into the warm hands of their real owner, the girl whose eyes would disgrace all the stars in the sky.

“Are you going to fall asleep while standing or do you plan on joining me?”

She could read him like an open book. Through just a few words, Y/N could rip his thoughts out of his fuzzy mind and present them on his sleeve.

Donghyuck said nothing as he dragged his feet over to her bed and plopped down beside her. Without a second thought, he wrapped her in a protective cocoon of his arms, trapping her against his chest. He worried for a second. What if she could hear his heart? What explanation would he have for the way it betrayed him and threatened to simply jump out at her mere presence? That he was more afraid of losing her than losing anything else in the world? That he wanted to end his own pathetic self at the thought of the next day? That losing her meant his end, the edge of his sanity that he would throw out the window?

“I’m scared.”

It was only the second time he ever heard these words coming out of her mouth. The first time was on her first mission when he had to hold her hand all the way to the house they had to infiltrate in, just to keep her grounded. But that was such a long time ago when she had no experience in the field and her innocence was still intact. So hearing her say these words now unsettled him greatly.

“Why?”

“Is that even a question?”

“We’ve been on countless missions before, we’ll be fine.”

“No, no we haven’t. Not on one like this.”

“Y/N, as long as we stick to the plan, nothing will be different.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Neither did we before any of the past missions.”

She went silent. Y/N knew he was right, but she could only admire curiously the firmness in his voice. Was he really this fearless or did he only keep up this facade to lessen her worry?

“Maybe you’re right.”

“You know I am.”

“Shut up, Hyuck”

He softly laughed at her tone as he let his fingers run through strands of her hair as if mesmerized by the way she was really there, tucked in his side as her index finger traced patterns mindlessly onto his chest. And he was scared too. 

He was scared that the patterns would slip through his skin and burn his hurting heart. Scared that tomorrow could bring an end to him, to them. Scared that he would knowingly let his lifeline vanish before his eyes, taking with her his whole being. He wasn’t scared for himself, no. He was scared for her and only her.

“Y/N please tell me you’ll always love me.”

“Ew Hyuck, what the heck are you talking about?”

“Y/N please”

His voice trembled then and broke at the end of the sentence. Y/N craned her neck in order to lift her gaze to his face. She found his eyes already trained on her, staring through her soul with an indecipherable look. That seemed to wake her up a little.

“What is this all about? You said nothing will be different. Why should we- “

He seemed to realize his mistake as he softly shushed her, cradling her back in his comforting embrace.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, I just want to hear it from you”

It was silent for a few moments and his caresses seemed to slowly lull her to sleep, hopefully, a soothing one.

“You know I do. I love you and I’ll keep loving you no matter what.”

Her words were muffled, barely audible, but they resonated through Haechan’s entire body. It was a matter of minutes before Y/N was off to Dreamland while Haechan came undone in the darkness of their shared room. Hot tears rimmed his eyes before slipping down his cheeks, leaving trails of ashes from fallen stars. He closed his eyes tightly, feeling the utter dread rip apart his body, burn every piece of him down to nothing as the only witness to him falling apart was the moon which seemed to shine shallowly through the lids. He lifted a hand to cover his mouth, to keep the devastation inside himself, to let it eat him inside out.

That’s how he finally fell asleep, heart in his throat, weakly yelling at him to give up, to allow her full control and his mind, fighting against it, destroying him from both ends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N’s hands were sweating as Mark went over the plan for the millionth time, talking endlessly from the passenger seat. Johnny was sat behind the wheel, gripping it so tightly, Y/N was afraid it would bend and break anytime. She did her best trying to shut down her emotions ever since she woke up that morning, falling into her way to cope with unwanted uneasiness that came every time she had to go on a mission.

“Are you sure you’re feeling well, Y/N?” Mark’s voice snapped her out of her state.

“Huh?”

“You seem a bit out of it”

“I’m alright, don’t worry,” Mark still seemed reluctant and she could feel Johnny’s gaze through the mirror in front of him “really, I promise.”

Mark sighed as he turned back around, settling down in his seat as silence enveloped the car. Suddenly, fingers slipped through hers, intertwining their hands with a strong grip. Y/N’s head snapped towards Donghyuck who watched carefully with worried, but soft eyes. She could tell he was nervous too, but he tried to push that aside just to make sure she was fine. In return, she squeezed his hand back fiercely, trying to show him he could also lean on her, that there was nothing to be afraid of as long as they stayed together.

As they neared their destination, the tension in the car intensified, almost suffocating Y/N as she struggled to keep her mind clear and not let her evident fear unleash and swallow up her sanity. The car stopped just short of the entrance gate as they unbuckled their seat belts. Y/N watched as Mark checked Donghyuck’s in-ear one last time before leaning forward herself. Mark did his job, but before she could bid goodbye and exit the car, Mark’s warm hand cupped her cheek affectionately, instantly grounding her with his reassuring touch.

“Come back safely, okay?”

“You know I will, we always do.” Y/N tried to bluff her bravery in a poor attempt to convince everyone, including herself, that she didn’t doubt herself. But Mark didn’t fall for it, and she knew none of the others did either. His eyes looked deeply into hers, searching her orbs desperately.

“Y/N.”

“I will, Mark. I really will.”

Johnny patted her head as Mark let his hand fall back in his lap.

“You too, devil child.” Donghyuck’s head snapped up and he had to force the smile on his face to seem genuine.

“Wow, I can really feel the love here, we’ll be fine.”

With that, the two youngest exited the vehicle, letting the light breeze brush away their nerves and bring them their usual mindset. Quick, quiet, and clean. That’s how their jobs went every time. This had no reason to be different. They easily passed by the guards with the fake invitations Wendy provided them with and they stepped inside.

The first thing you could feel once you entered the party hall was definitely the stuck-up atmosphere, which wasn’t shocking considering the people present there. The lights were dim and conversations were kept hushed. The tables on the sides of the room were filled with glasses of probably expensive champagne with fancy names and the occasional plates with small sweets. Y/N and Donghyuck spent the next 15 minutes checking their surroundings, blending in with the ever-growing crowd. They did catch a few glimpses of Park Ji-won caught up in conversations and Y/N could feel her blood start to boil at the sight of him. But she knew they weren’t there to kill him, so she kept a safe distance, far enough to keep out of his sight but close enough not to lose him in the crowd.

“I think we should get this going,” Haechan whispered subtly in her ear. She eyed the stairs she had to climb to the floor where the offices and a few other rooms were located, their best bet at finding the USB. Donghyuck was supposed to remain downstairs, monitor any weird actions, and watch her back. Y/N nodded and immediately disappeared into the crowd, missing the indecipherable look he threw her.

Nearing the stairs, she quickly slipped upstairs, tapping her in-ear once, sending the boys outside and back at the dorm the signal that the plan was put in action.

“Alright, be careful” Taeyong murmured.

She checked the first few rooms nearest, so quietly you could hear a fly buzz around. Every room was empty, both of any people and the USB. Ji-won’s office was still yet to be found, but Y/N’s chest was uncharacteristically beating uncontrollably. Everything was so silent, only the ruckus from downstairs could be heard faintly. Haechan had been silent the entire time and Y/N clung to her hope things were going well since he hadn’t said a word since she left.

The blood was rushing through her veins, adrenaline high and keeping her going as she neared the next door. Her eyes were focused and it seemed as if no emotion was displayed, her face muscles completely lax. Her footsteps were light, making no sound against the carpet beneath and adding to the eerie silence that threatened to cloud up her throat and spillover.

A loud bang resonated in her ear and she was instantly snapped out of her trance. She barely contained herself from lifting her hand up to touch the device settled inside her ear, but it was enough to make her freeze in her spot, waiting for something, anything, for someone to guide her, to calm her and keep her steady on her feet just for long enough to finish her task. But her guide never came, at least not in the form she hoped for.

“Y/N! Haechan! Get out of there! NOW!” Taeyong sounded more frantic than ever. Never had Y/N heard their reliable leader scream that way, not with such raw desperation and never to abandon their mission, never. Several gunshots now echoed in the background and her teammates’ yells could be barely heard over the ruckus created. “We’re getting attacked! Get out-” Another gunshot, incredibly loud and it was enough to cut off the connection, their only link to the outside.

Y/N felt herself getting dizzy. She was trapped, with no help, her brothers were in danger back home and she could do nothing besides muttering a broken ‘no’ and turning around harshly, not wasting a second to get out of here and back home. Her feet carried her thoughtlessly, to hell with the stupid USB and the cursed Park Ji-won, nothing mattered more than her family who needed her help now more than ever, and she would be damned if she doesn’t get there fast enough to fight alongside them. 

Her entire world was shattering and she was hopelessly and blindly running back to gather the shards.

A hand reached out, grasping her arm and turning her so her back was pressed tightly to a chest as a hand came around her to embrace her tightly around the shoulders. Y/N reached out immediately, ready to fight back but settled for a few moments one sensing the familiar scent of Donghyuck.

Right, Donghyuck was still there, still with her. Her lifeline was still there, keeping her alive, clinging to her sanity. Her soulmate was there and anything would be alright as long as their fates stayed intertwined, she would fight until her last breath with him by her side. 

“Thank God you’re here, we have to go, come on, the rest are in trouble.” 

Y/N urged him to get moving, tugging on the arm wrapped around her and trying to step forward. But the boy behind her didn’t seem to budge, frozen in his spot like a cold statue, roots keeping him planted into the ground. She felt him let out a shaky breath, the warm air blowing a few strands of her hair as she struggled to snap him out of his daze and run back to her family, their family.

“Haechan, come on-” 

But her words were cut, just like Taeyong’s as the same arm that hugged her protectively in her safe heaven the night before, slipped up and tightened around her neck, cutting off her air supply. Her eyes widened, trying to comprehend what was happening right under her fingertips, the way the pieces of her world were falling apart, becoming dust in the wind with every second that passed. She struggled both physically and mentally. She tried to wrap her mind around the situation at hand, the way her vision was turning black and her will to keep going faded with it, the cruel way everything was ripped away from her in a mere second, the simple way her small world she worked so hard to gain along the years was vanishing into an endless abyss filled with bitter reminiscences.

Y/N struggled to grasp Donghyuck’s sick betrayal.


	2. I don't know You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this is a heavy chapter so you know, thread carefully ;)

Y/N’s head throbbed in pain as she tried to pry her eyes open, fighting against the harsh ache overtaking her entire body. She could feel a thin thread of liquid trailing down the side of her face and she had the sickening revelation that it must have been blood. Her blood. She felt as if her entire body was submerged underwater, in some rushing river with ice-cold water that chilled her down to the bones and numbed her limbs. As she cracked an eye open, her vision swarm, spinning in a whirlwind caused by the excruciating pain coming from her temples. A loud ringing resounded in her ears and served to make her even dizzier as she fought to regain her senses.

“I really can’t believe it was so easy. Just a wimpy kid under our sleeve and we took them down.”

The voice was muffled by the high-pitched sound she could still hear, but it was enough to remind Y/N of what had brought there. Donghyuck, how could he? How could he betray the people he claimed more dear to him than his own blood, the ones who never hesitated to put their lives on the line to make sure he would be safe. And her members? She could only pray they escaped their attack and were on their way to her for she needed her guardian angels now more than ever. She needed them to tell her that life could go on, with or without Haechan, that she could go on missing her greater half.

As her senses seemed to come back to her she could faintly tell her surroundings. One thing was sure, she was snugly tied to a chair, bounded by thick ropes that seemed to burn through her skin. But nothing burned harsher than her agonized heart. She was left in nothing but a pair of shorts and a slightly oversized T-shirt, the bruises on her skin a scary purple, littered all over resembling blooming flowers.

Y/N shifted a bit in her chair, trying to get blood to rush through her numb limbs and lifted her head as much as her aching neck allowed. 

“Well look who’s awake, what a wonderful surprise!”

The same voice as earlier exclaimed and her eyes met those of Park Ji-won, cold and mocking as they narrowed over her frame. Y/N could feel her stomach sinking, a cruel realization settling in her mind as she lowered her gaze again and avoided giving him any satisfaction by seeing her so lost and hopeless. She heard the door to her cell being unlocked as Ji-won stepped inside, two bulky men following him closely behind, sporting smirks and a crazed glint in their eyes.

Ji-won approached her and suddenly his mere presence suffocated her, closing her in a bubble where air ran out quickly and her chest felt heavy. Y/N knew she had to stay rational, calm, control her fear and keep a strong facade despite the dread that froze the blood in her veins.

“I apologize for the harsh treatment” he motioned towards the ropes that dug into her skin painfully “but we assumed that in the early stages of your visit here you might want to give us a run for our money.”

“You assumed?” Y/N grinned despite the shakiness of her fingers behind the back of the chair.

“Ah, such a pretty smile. Too bad it will be one of the last times you’ll grace us with it.”

“That’s right, you probably won’t be alive to see the next one.”

Ji-won let out a short chuckle, his eyes shining with an unspoken hatred.

“And who’ll be the lucky one to kill me, if I may ask?”

Y/N pursed her lips, looking away as if deep in thought, racking her head for all the ways her boys could end his poor excuse of a life. She hummed slightly as she turned her eyes back to the older man’s who stared at her with nerve-wracking amusement.

“Hmm, we’ll have to wait and see, they’ll probably have fun making you regret ever messing with us, they’ll make you wish they killed you faster.”

This time he threw his head back with laughter and Y/N had to force her facial muscles to keep her lips in a smile, becoming unnerved with the man’s careless reaction to her entire demeanor. Suddenly, he lifted his hand towards her face, cupping her jaw as if admiring a new doll. Y/N jerked her head away, recoiling from his cold and disgusting touch, but he only tightened his grip, squishing her cheeks between his rough fingers and lifting her face back towards him.

“And who exactly will do that? You who’s tied to a chair with no escape and about to beg for her life? Dear Haechan, who has been lying to you this entire time and brought the end of your little gang? Oh, are you talking about the rest of the members of NCT?”

The thought seemed to amuse him further as he leaned his head, settling beside Y/N’s face and she could feel his breath fanning her earlobe he airily whispered.

“Let me give you a heads-up dear, they’re all dead. Burned down to mere ashes in the wind. There’s absolutely no trace left of them as if they never existed in the first place, an illusion in the darkness of the night.” 

He moved away from her and basked at the thrill of having the precious member of NCT right under his fingertips, playing with her as if she was a puppet. He had waited for so long to break the news to her, to start breaking her inside out, shattering her mind and soul little by little, shredding her hope and stomping on it right before her eyes. 

“No. You’re bluffing. Your dirty tricks won’t get to my head, they won’t work on me so you can shove them up your ass and choke on them.”

Her voice started to rise in volume and her throat restricted her from showing a firm voice as her words wavered at the end, cracking under the pressure of the sky falling atop of her shoulders, draining her soul of any fight left deep inside her, shielding her hope.

“Am I really? Unfortunately, as I said no trace of them is left so I can’t show you the downfall of your world. You’ll have to trust me on this, darling. But I can tell you for sure I enjoyed watching Taeyong lose everything, God, you should have seen the look in his eyes as he finally realized he was doomed, absolutely delightful.”

Y/N wanted to rip Ji-won to shreds. Even just talking about her leader like that ignited her rage and she wanted nothing more but to let it burn, to swallow the man before her up and drag him to the deepest pits of hell. His words couldn’t be true, there was simply no way she would believe them. Taeyong couldn’t be gone. NCT couldn’t be gone. They were her guardian angels, they wouldn’t have left her alone in the Earth version of hell, she couldn’t bear the thought of going on without knowing they’re alive. 

“Already giving up? And here I was, thinking you’ll put up a fight, let us have some fun taming beasts like you.” Y/N gritted her teeth, but she could feel her desire to keep fighting slip away like grains of sand in the wind’s breeze. The only thought that gripped the last strands of her hope was the possibility of Ji-won lying in hopes of making her give up. And in this case, she couldn’t let him win. She wouldn’t allow herself to slip away as long as she had the slightest chance of being back in her boys’ arms, tucked warmly into safety.

“Come closer, let me also give you a heads-up,” Ji-won leaned down slightly, his face at the same level as hers, regarding her with a degrading look, as if sensing her resolve starting to dissipate “if I’m a beast, then you’re just mere pray.” Y/N muttered harshly and spat in his face before his head snapped away. It was her time to smirk as his content expression morphed into one of anger, his composed state shattering, letting rage surface.

Ji-won couldn’t contain the forceful punch he sent to Y/N’s face and neither did he try to. He gathered all of his strength and swung as hard as he could as his fist connected with the soft skin of her cheek with such power that it tipped the chair over, making it collapse. Y/N hissed at the contact with the hard floor of the basement she was held in and heard a sickening pop come from her shoulder before throbbing pain spread through the entire area, making her dizzy. She knew this was barely considered mild and just the beginning of what was about to come her way. She closed her eyes, letting the pain settle and trying to come to terms with the inevitable fate that awaited her.

Y/N could hear Ji-won’s steps as he came closer to her, the tip of his shoe slipping under her cheek and craning her neck to look up at him. She kept her eyes narrowed, regarding the man towering above her with utter disgust to disguise the discomfort she felt in her shoulder mainly. 

“I’m going to say this slowly since it seems like your brain is struggling to acknowledge your situation. You are doomed, little girl. The only one who will wish for death is you, you’ll beg for it in no time. But we won’t allow it, no, you’ll have to suffer, we’ll shred you of any sanity left in you, we’ll break you into millions of pieces both physically and mentally, just wait, The show starts tonight, we’ll have a lot of fun together, Y/N.”

Her name rolled off his tongue with repulsion and his tone assured her that he would religiously keep his promise towards her and somehow it reminded her of Donghyuck and how the situation seemed so twisted that it made Y/N want to throw up. Her worst enemy just promised her he would rip the little things she still had left away from her, strip her of her humanity and in a sick way Y/N was sure he won’t go back on his words. Donghyuck promised her Heaven, safety, and love, but all she received were deceiving words and agony. 

With a last forceful nudge of his boot against her cheek, Ji-won turned his back to her and left her cell, the guards locking the door behind themselves. While Ji-won waked away from her sight, most likely back into the house, the two guards stayed unmovingly outside her cell, keeping a careful eye on their prisoner while going back to chatting about their victory.

Finally left alone, to drown in her own thoughts, Y/N suffocated into the nightmare she was forced to fight through. The pain in her body seemed to fade away as her emotions were unraveling from the cage she kept them locked in and the real turmoil surfaced. Johnny promised her they were safe and in turn, she promised Mark she would come back to them. She could only bitterly guess both promises were meant to be broken. Y/N let poisonous tears escape from her tightly closed eyes, in an attempt to lessen the venom nestled inside her soul. Just the thought of never seeing her family again overwhelmed her exhausted heart and sunk it to the bottom of a drained ocean.

And Donghyuck. He literally broke her in half. A half that hoped everything was just a twisted joke and her soulmate would swoop right in and end her hell and a half that wanted to bring hell to him. Betrayal simply wasn’t a word in their dictionary because who would betray family, the only ones who pulled you up out of the frightening darkness that enveloped you when everyone else turned their backs on you. Taeyong was the only one who saw a fighter in them instead of a person too broken to function again and the only one who defied anyone who dragged down his family. So Donghyuck’s betrayal was almost impossible to swallow and Y/N hoped she wouldn’t have to.

Just like that, Y/N was forced to wallow in her own devastating hurt, turning her fate on every side possible as if rolling a dice that had already decided her outcome.

And what a show had been given to her, one that made Y/N want to detach herself from her body and float above the world, far away from the cruelties hidden down in the basement that had her name imprinted on it by now. Every visitor made sure to give her their worst, crack her physic and spirit little by little, piece by piece until she was left as a used doll on the dirty floor, an old toy that was starting to bore their owner. Y/N knew she was disposable, a mere punching bag for the heartless captors, but she didn’t have it in her to care anymore, taking everything with dull eyes and a blank mind.

"𝘠/𝘕!”

𝘚𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘴𝘯𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘶𝘱, 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬’𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥’𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘺 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘠/𝘕 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘤-𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴. 𝘠/𝘕 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘏𝘢𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯’𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘻𝘦. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬’𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘠/𝘕’𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦.

“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐’𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?”

𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘤𝘬’𝘴 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬, 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘣 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯, 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦.

“𝘠/𝘕!’

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬’𝘴 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦, 𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘱. 𝘠/𝘕 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬, 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘮𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘤𝘬’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥, 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘠/𝘕 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘏𝘢𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯’𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘱 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥, 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘠/𝘕, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥.

“𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘠/𝘕. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸.”

𝘈𝘴 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘤𝘬’𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘩, 𝘠/𝘕’𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘨𝘰 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘢𝘸 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘧𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬’𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘏𝘢𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯’𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘮? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰?

A harsh kick to her stomach snapped her eyes open.

“Already giving up, mutt?”

All Y/N wanted was to slip back into herself, allow her mind to run free with the desire to see her friends again, but she knew it wouldn’t be possible as a second kick, even more powerful, was directed at her once again.

“You’re becoming boring. It was fun breaking you, but now you’re as entertaining as any punching bag, maybe even worse. It would be a great pleasure to get rid of you, but the boss won’t allow it, says you don’t deserve to be freed so soon.”

The man whose name Y/N didn’t bother learning crouched beside her, carelessly gripping her arm and lifting her in a sitting position. She slightly lifted her gaze at the sight of a white coat and scanned the boy beside the gorilla who wouldn’t give her any moment of peace ever since she arrived in this hell. He seemed barely older than her, his scrawny structure visible even through his layers of clothing. He asked the other man to move back, and stepped closer to Y/N, uncapping the jar of soothing cream he brought every time.

“You know how it goes, it’s going to hurt a bit but you’ll feel better after.”

Y/N knew, of course, she knew. He had been coming with the same jar every few days, attending to her wounds, occasionally wrapping her up if things looked worse. He never talked more than necessary and Y/N truly appreciated that, becoming used to the captors’ running their mouths 24/7, wasting oxygen with their useless words. As he rubbed his fingers coated in cream over her black and blue abdomen, Y/N caught a glint from the corner of her eyes. A roll of gauze and scissors were hidden in the pocket of his coat, in case of need. Before anyone could catch her stare, she removed it, opting to bore holes into the ground as she let the medic finish his job and leave, but not before the ultimate asshole decided to kick her back down, letting her know that “that’s your place now, kid, get used to it”.

Y/N could only grit her teeth and close her eyes in an attempt to block out the hopelessness crawling under her shirt. She clung with everything in her to her vivid dreams where Mark or some of the other boys ran to her. They never reached her, not even close, but even hearing them brought her a serenity she didn’t know she would be able to find while locked up in a cell, beaten half to death. Haechan clouded her thoughts day and night, sometimes closing up her throat at the thought that she will never get to share such moments with him. She often reprimanded herself, how could she still hang onto Haechan when all he did was betray her and their family, how could she still care about him when the entire world told her everyone else was dead because of him.

“Y/N you stupid, stupid girl.”

She could only murmur under her breath, struggling to keep herself sane as she slipped into another light sleep filled by fruits of hope with the bitter taste of betrayal.

It was dark this time and no matter how hard she tried Y/N couldn’t distinguish anything before her. And the one calling for her was Donghyuck. He was near, very near, a breath away from her. His voice was hushed, only calling her name repeatedly before a shake of her shoulder forced her eyes open.

“Thank God, you scared the shit out of me.”

Y/N’s eyes snapped up bewildered before they connected with Donghyuck’s. It took her several moments before she could confirm she wasn’t dreaming and he was actually beside her, towering over her with a gentle hand laid over her shoulder as if he was afraid she’d shatter if he applied any more pressure. Instead of the honey pools that taunted her every time she closed her eyes, Donghyuck’s eyes were glazed over, hidden behind an invisible veil that kept his emotions at bay as much as it could. 

Y/N let her head drop back down, having no interest in talking to him, especially in her powerless position.

“Y/N, talk to me, I need to know you’re still there.”

“What do you want me to say, Haechan?”

Her voice was hoarse from days of not talking, the only sounds coming out of her mouth being whimpers and occasional screams when the men got rougher with their treatment during their bad days. Y/N spat the name she rarely used for him except during their missions with such venom laced in the word that Donghyuck was still taken aback despite his already low expectations.

“I just...I need to hear you. I want to explain everything when I’ll have enough time. I need to-”

“Is it true?”

“What?”

“What they keep telling me, that they’re dead.” She didn’t need to elaborate for Haechan to understand what she was referring to.

“Y/N, you have to understand-”

“I’m done with your half-assed bullshit, tell me the truth for once.”

Her words only served to twist the dagger deeper into Donghyuck’s bleeding wound and he knew he deserved it and plenty more.

“Yes. It’s true, they’re all gone. But Y/N please listen to me, I didn’t do it just because I wanted to, I would never, I swear. You have to believe me, please Y/N.”

He glanced at her, but the sight of her scared him even worse. He saw her at both her best and her worst, attached to the hip every moment of their lives, but never had he seen her like that, so disconnected from everything around her, so lost in her own thoughts.

“Haechan, the five minutes are ending!”

“I’ll be right out!”

Donghyuck shakily lifted his hand from her shoulder to her head, brushing away strands of her hair from her face and lightly cupping the back of her head with such care that even the moon would stop in awe to admire the heartbreaking moment before two broken lovers cursed to suffer away from each other.

“Love, please don’t give up, as selfish as it sounds. I need you.”

With a quick brush of his plush lips to her temple, a promise that Y/N could only deem empty, he lifted himself up and rushed out of her cell while he could still control his burning desire of keeping her close now more than ever. His eyes followed her until he couldn’t see her anymore and sighed dejectedly when she stayed rotten to her spot, her eyes void of any trace of the old Y/N, the one he doomed to more pain than he believed anyone could carry. But if he was sure of one thing, he could swear that the pain in his chest would be enough to snap the mountains apart and drain any sea as he was forced to leave the core of his soul behind once more.

Time seemed to pass slower than ever and Y/N could only mull with a bittersweet aftertaste of nostalgia the rare free days she used to spend with her boys back at their headquarter, the way she used to complain about the members’ habits. Oh how bad she missed those times and how she wished she could go back to Taeyong’s arms cuddling her against his chest, playing with strands of her hair or Johnny’s manner in which he threw her over his shoulder and paraded around the house, mocking her shouts in a high pitched voice, but with an affectionate twinkle in his eyes. Her chest ached with the burning desire of spending countless nights in Mark’s room, exchanging lyrics ideas and listening to the soothing hum of his guitar towards the early hours of the morning.

And God, the way she missed Donghyuck’s childish pouts that never failed to melt her heart and the way he used to nuzzle his nose against the crook of her neck, the feathery brush of his lips along the length of her throat as the fluffy locks on top of his head tickled her cheek every time he moved in their embrace.

All these seemed like long-lost memories, buried at the back of her mind, fogged over by her pain. Over time, Y/N learned the pattern of the changes the guards outside made, she learned that the presence of a flashlight in their hand meant it was nighttime, she learned that they deemed her weak enough to leave her with only one bored guard who more often than not didn’t even glance in her direction as he leaned his back against the bars and went on with his life.

Y/N was pulled out of her thoughts by the medic who unlocked her cell, once again coming to check up on her. This time he was alone, the guard outside only watching him enter before returning to his business. The young man approached her, crouching down at her level and studying her.

“How are you feeling?”

She wanted to scoff at his ridiculous question. It didn’t take a genius to take a right guess just by looking at her for a brief moment. But she bit her lip, murmuring her next words.

“My wrists hurt” she made a small pause, contemplating over the weight of her words “worse than usual.”

The medic watched carefully and helped her in a standing position. He hesitated a bit before slowly untying her hands, the sole rope binding her.

“Don’t make any dumb moves or you’ll regret it. I’ll put some ointment on the rope burns, it should alleviate the pain enough to be bearable.”

With the rope gone, he brought her hands in front of her, holding her wrists gently, before spreading the cream over the irritated skin with such care that his fingertips merely brushed against her. It was the first time in weeks since anyone has treated her so delicately and she let the thought bring tears to her eyes.

“What’s your name?”

The medic’s head snapped up and his eyes widened, taken aback by her questions. He had visited her so many times, but she never seemed interested in him, shrinking back in herself every time he came close.

“Why are you asking?”

“Am I not allowed?”

He turned his attention back to her wounds that he was sure were nothing in comparison to the real damage brought on her body, but he stayed quiet and continued treating her. Y/N thought he was going to ignore her question and deflated slightly. This didn’t seem to go her way.

“It’s Minho.”

Y/N’s eyes studied him. He didn’t seem to notice her stare or just didn’t bother to look up at her.

“Minho,” he hummed, finally meeting her teary eyes, desperation creeping in her glazed-over orbs “please help me.”

He sighed, knowing what kind of help she meant. He pitied her, but not enough to put himself in danger in order to help a girl he barely knew and had no future anyway.

“Y/N, it would be better if you stopped fighting, they would be more lenient with you-” Y/N shut out his words, and clenched her fists before launching herself at him, gripping the collar of his white coat, knocking him over with a loud metallic clang coming fro his medical equipment falling over.

“Please! Please, help me! Please!”

She shook him, the distressed look in her eyes shocking him for a moment.

“Hey! Sit back, bitch!” The guards slammed the door of her cell open, his angered yell echoing around the cold walls as he stomped over to them with large, angry strides.

Y/N was quick to clamber off Minho, stumbling a bit and stabilizing herself with a hand against the ground. She let herself fall back on her butt, curling herself up in a small ball to protect herself from the guard’s harsh punches that started to rain down on her, leaving sore spots scattered over her body and Y/N was sure purple bruises would adorn her body soon. She let fat tears run down her face and her body trembled with heart-wrenching sobs that were almost inaudible over the guard’s curses directed towards her. She had to keep it up.

“Stop, stop, she’s not worth it.”

Minho stretched a hand and gripped the guard’s shoulder after rising to his feet and dusting himself off. The guard turned around, arguing with Minho, insisting that he should break all of her fingers, one by one, to show her that ‘scum like her shouldn’t even be allowed to look at them, much less to dare to touch them’. Y/N could barely fight the victorious smirk that wanted to stretch her lips and took the opportunity to sneak the scissors she had gripped when she ‘stabilized’ herself inside her bands and slip them inside the elastic band of her underwear, before returning her hand over her head to seemingly shield herself.

“Leave her alone, she’s not worth it.”

“We should still teach little shits like her a lesson.” the guard growled, shooting her a disgusted glare.

“You shouldn’t waste time with her, even dogs are smarter than her, she won’t learn anything.”

The guard chuckled darkly, spitting at Y/N, missing her by a centimeter.

“You’re wrong. You’re insulting dogs by comparing her to them. She’s less than the shit on the sole of your shoes, she’s really not worth anything.”

Y/N wanted to laugh at them, spit back and crush their heads under her foot, show them the real scum, but she was smarter than that. Patience was her only friend at that moment and hand-in-hand with it, she would conquer her newfound purpose.

The guard roughly gripped her wrists, a sharp contrast to Minho’s gentle touch from earlier, and forcefully brought them to her back, tying them with the rope, tightening it even more than before, and smiled at the sound of Y/N’s pitiful wince of discomfort, a sadistic amusement twisting his features at the sight of her pain.

“You shouldn’t come anymore, you’re wasting useful resources to treat her.”

The guard rose again to his full height, delivered a last powerful kick just to startle the girl to his entertainment and tuned around, directing his words to Minho who only watched with a passive expression, seemingly bored by the events as he gathered everything that had fallen over earlier.

“Right.” He hummed and he caught Y/N’s eyes in a quick glance before hurrying after the guard and leaving her sight as the guard stayed behind to lock her up and plopped himself down, turning his back to her and whistling unbothered. He took out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting up one end of the stick and putting the other one between his lips, taking a long drag and releasing a large cloud of foul-smelling smoke.

But Y/N mulled over Minho’s look. His eyes were slightly narrowed, as if searching her, trying to penetrate through her act. Had she seemed too desperate for him to believe her? But she didn’t feel like she exaggerated, it was nothing a prisoner wouldn’t beg for once meeting a kind enough person. Had he noticed the small pair of scissors that disappeared? But he had so many and the one she stole was smaller than her palm and she had never seen him use it. Y/n could only pray the facade she put up and the show she conveyed to strengthen it was enough to buy her time to make her final move.

Despite her worries and the pain and numbness overcoming her tired body, Y/N let a twisted smile creep on her face as she leaned her head back against the wall. Her eyes stared unfocused in the darkness, finally feeling accomplished with herself in a long time. Maybe her acting skills weren’t so rusty after all. So many fake tears and meaningless words thrown around almost choked her up, but she did what had to be done in order to prove herself that their work over the years wasn’t in vain, that she wouldn’t let NCT go down without a fight, vanish without a trace before they burnt down the world around them. Sure, the fact that most of the people surrounding her during her stay in the cell had smaller brains than a pigeon’s and their common sense was worse than that of a headless chicken, but these only made things easier for her.

Y/N was done. She was done with her filthy cell, done with the assholes who kept on talking down to her as if they were meant for anything more than dumb guard dogs, done with the sickening mind games they thought would break her. But more than anything, Y/N was done with letting anyone, Haechan or not, betray her family and get away with it. 

If that disgusting man got anything right in his entire life, it was that Y/N had no future. Her life had ended at the same time NCT vanished. She had nowhere to go, no one on her side and for the second time in her life, she was alone. She was left alone, a lost soul trudging tiredly through the dark columns of her life, admitting that this time it was truly over for her. While when she was a little girl a guardian angel found her and took her under his wing, introducing himself as Taeyong and welcoming her into their self-made family, this time no one was coming. And frankly, she made peace with the idea, reuniting with her boys after a long, painful fight that finally exhausted her. Y/N was ready to give up, she had no means to escape or to go on living in a world where they were gone. It simply made no sense to her.

She only had to wait for the next night to make things right, to honor Taeyong’s golden rule. ‘Traitors are less than rats. They have no place on Earth.’ And Y/N swore to make sure to fulfill his words or die trying. She swore to ruin Donghyuck in any way possible, to watch the light fade from his eyes as desperation clouded his features, before crumbling herself in Taeyong’s protective embrace. She would bring the ones who dared to harm her family their very much deserved end, serve it to them on a plate and shove it down their throats with no mercy, let them slowly choke with it as she watched them fade away with eyes that regained their sparkle for one last time before joining her awaiting family.

That night, all Y/N could dream about were the bright smiles on her members’ faces that put the sun itself to shame and warmed up her soul every time she could catch a glimpse of them. All she could feel was the comforting warmth radiating off their bodies and enveloping her and their sparkling eyes with countless galaxies that reflected happiness so pure that angels swooned over the serenity that seeped through them.

All Y/N could believe in was their endless love that held no barriers.

Hours of waiting chopped at Y/N’s sanity little by little as she had to swallow down the adrenaline pumping through her body. The pain in her body felt like a mere memory, only stirring her lack of patience even more. The moment her eyes caught sight of the new guard lowering himself beside her cell, sticking a flashlight in his pants pocket, her blood started pumping with excitement. She felt as if she was about to burn up, explode in huge flames impossible to hold back from swallowing down the entire world.

Y/N spent the time in which the man kept shuffling around to edge out the pair of scissors from her pants and twirl it around her fingers, etching it into the rope and slowly but surely cutting the rough material. She kept her movements minimal and as silent as possible, making sure that her plan wouldn’t be stopped so early on. She couldn’t allow that. Y/N only had one chance and she made sure she didn’t need anymore.

Despite the madness running through her veins, poisoning her blood, her mind was completely clear, no fog clouding it over. Her eyes were sharper than ever, focusing solely on her goal, pushing her feelings aside for the time being. The rope came off, slowly slipping off her sore wrists, but she made no movement to change from her position on the ground, waiting for any sign that the guard might have heard anything out of the ordinary, but he was as oblivious as ever, a mindless pig confined in a slaughterhouse.

As Y/N started crawling towards the bars that kept her locked for weeks that dragged on, her body resembled that of a cat. No sounds came from the impact of her hands and knees with the ground and her torso was fluid, balancing her movements. Years of training paid off more than ever as she inched closer and closer to her freedom with her savior clutched tight between her fingers, some mere scissors, smaller than her hand and so frail she was afraid that they would break under the pressure of her grip. But they were enough, sharp just like her mind, sharp enough to easily go through rope and skin, small enough to wedge between the thick bars and maneuver them with no difficulty. And that was more than enough for Y/N.

She was a breath away, close enough to feel the smell of sweat rolling off his body. Y/N stayed as still as a statue. Was she hesitating? No, she felt no desire to turn back, none at all, but she needed a moment to calm herself down, regulate her temper before hell could break loose and her hidden demons could surface and swallow up any mercy left in herself. Her hand slightly trembled as she leaned closer to the man with a slight smile. She blew a feathery breath on the man’s neck, teasing him as a starting point of insanity that followed, and before he could turn around, she clamped a hand over his mouth, muffling the chocked gasp escaping his chapped lips and plunged the scissors in his neck, right in his artery. It didn’t take long before he slumped against the bars, taking a ragged last breath and going limp as crimson liquid painted his skin and clothes. trailing to the ground.

Y/N released him before rummaging through all of his pockets and found the key to her prison. She was still trembling slightly as she unlocked the door to her newfound freedom on unsteady feet. Once stepping outside, Y/N felt a sudden surge of power, she felt unstoppable now that she wasn’t confined like a caged bird, longing for her wings to be freed. She stared at the dead guard on the floor as she shook her feet, trying to regain feeling in her legs faster. He was the first, the beginning of the end.

Y/N crouched beside him, looting everything she deemed useful. The handgun she knew all guards kept in their belt was the first thing that settled almost comfortably in her palm, along with the beloved scissors that she wiped on the man’s shirt before she tucked them in the pocket of her pants. But she knew he had another necessary thing on him. She calculated every move and there was no way she had mistaken the man. And as thought, she didn’t. She quickly found a pack of cigarettes buried inside the pocket of his jacket along with a lighter. Bingo! She also slipped the lighter in her pocket and mockingly patted the man’s head with a pout. She wasn’t kidding when she said she would burn down their entire world.

“Aw, thank you, you should be proud of yourself for being useful for once.”

Her words were acid, whispered to ridicule the almost too easy way she escaped what he must have thought would be her future grave. Jokes on him.

Her eyes burned through the darkness that awaited her. She couldn’t risk using a flashlight, it would give away her location too easily, but she didn’t really need it either. She had been kept in the dark for so long, both literally and figuratively, that she had gotten used to it, her eyes adjusting naturally to the lack of light. She roughly knew that the sleeping rooms must have been upstairs from the two guards’ conversation she had heard once, so she had two flights of stairs to go through, from the basement to the main floor and then upstairs. And then the fun was about to begin.

She gripped the handle of the gun tighter, her bare feet soundlessly gliding on the floor as her inner turmoil only edged her more towards the free fall that she knew was inevitable. She was ready to embrace it, leave herself float weightlessly over the clouds, and allow the gentle rays of sunshine to caress her tired soul as a mother would soothe her child after reuniting after a long day, but not before meeting Donghyuck. Not before giving him a piece of her suffering and watching him struggle to his end with it as Y/N merely watched her once lover vanish to nothing just like he forced her to.

She wanted nothing more but to free herself from the agony Haechan impelled on her and then dared to ask her to hold on for him. He was a gone man in her eyes, a flat lifeline, the furthest thing from how she used to deem him, a lighthouse that guided her through the frightening darkness of herself, holding her hand through everything and enveloping her in sweet murmurs of honey-like voice that she couldn’t help but grasp onto with every ounce of her being. Donghyuck was her first and last, her end and her beginning, her rebirth and her doom.

“Wait for me, Haechan, wait for me, my love.”

The scenario she found herself in was oddly familiar, resembling the one hours before her universe was turned upside down unexpectedly and cruelly. The same tension that pressured her airways was present, but this time Y/N wasn’t bothered by it, her hands weren’t sweating and her vision wasn’t unfocused. She had nothing left to lose so she trudged forward almost blindly, guided by luck and helped by her sneaking skills and common sense.

The house was mostly dark, asleep in the late-night hours. The only agitation came from the large living room on the main floor. As Y/N passed by with hurried steps but vigilant eyes, she saw a fading light from underneath the closed door, accompanied by obnoxious, deep laughter coming from a few men playing poker and throwing around chips and dirty jokes.

Once she found the stairs and climbed up, she knew the hard part was coming. Donghyuck was behind one of the doors for sure, but she had no way to be certain about a particular one. She observed all of the doors as she passed by them. She could hear snoring from behind a couple of them, others were entirely silent. Y/N knew she only had one chance and even barely that. If she was in her right mind, she would have never taken such a risk, but now the only thing on her mind was finishing what Haechan began. And Y/N hated leaving things unfinished.

Y/N gritted her teeth as she glued her back to a wall and held her breath in hopes of hearing even the slightest hint to begin with. She knew this would be the hardest challenge of her plan, but if it meant that she would find him, she was about to go to extreme lengths. Y/N rules out the room with snoring occupants, Haechan never snored. But there were still three other rooms. She couldn’t stand in the hallway forever, in plain sight for anyone who decided to leave their room. A decision had to be made, right then and there, otherwise-

“For fuck’s sake..”

The curse was hushed, barely heard, but Y/N could recognize that voice anywhere, at any time of the day. She found him.

She walked closer to the last door on the hallway, lingering her fingertips over the doorknob as she gripped her gun tighter in her other hand. She has been waiting for that moment for such a long time that now it felt unreal, but maybe for different reasons. She noticed a faint hue of white light coming from under the door and then the muffled sound of fingers drumming lightly in a table. At that moment, Y/n remembered Donghyuck’s habit when listening to music, something that she found both annoying and endearing, the sound his knuckled made rhythmically against the first surface he found. And since no music could be heard, he had his earphones in. Just her luck.

She slowly twisted the doorknob, finding it unlocked as expected from the same boy that never locked any doors after him and this was the first time Y/N wanted to congratulate him for it. She admired him from the back for a second, clad in his sleepwear and lounging on a chair while furiously typing on his computer with music blasting in his ears. What a comfortable life he led while she was drained physically and mentally in a cell smaller than a storage room, oh how lovely.

Y/N smiled sweetly and raised the gun, aiming straight at his head as she locked the door behind her with a soft ‘click’. Her free fingers then found the switch and with excitement running high in her blood, she turned the light on. She smiled even brighter, her gun following Haechan’s frenetic movements as he ripped his earphones out and turned around in his chair in a flash, coming face to face with his former lover, the one he coincidentally betrayed.

“How the hell? How…”

His voice wandered off, reality kicking in.Y/N’s heart started beating faster, but not from fear or resentment for aiming her gun at who she once deemed her missing piece, no. It trembled with an anger she had never felt before, one she tried so hard to control she worried it would leak over and ruin the scenario she dreamed of every night behind those bars.

“Surprised to see me, dear? I had to go such a long way just to find you, Haechannie.” Y/N pouted mockingly at him, enjoying the way his eyes widened in horror, but also a shocking drop of relief. He immediately stood up from his chair, taking rushed strides towards Y/N, before she tutted and put an open palm in front of her, mentioning for him to stop in his tracks.

“Not so fast, now. No need to rush after weeks of waiting, am I right?” Her voice was charming as if talking to a child, but Haechan knew the sugary surface could barely contain the storm beneath.

“Y/N, let’s talk-” He tried to take a step forward, but before he could fully move, YN’s gun made a clear clicking noise, indicating that the safety was taken off. Donghyuck started to sweat lightly, noticing how the finger laid over the trigger didn’t shake in the slightest.

“I’m glad we agree on that, but we’re doing it on my terms. You don’t move from the spot you’re in and you’ll put your hands up where I can see them at all times. None of these are negotiable, love.”

Donghyuck felt utter desperation crawl deep in his soul, taking over his entire being as he did as asked. He wanted nothing more but to touch her, feel her warm skin, her chest rising with every breath. He wanted nothing but to win her back and complete the puzzle inside him that broke the moment the back of his gun touched her temple so forcefully back at the party.

“Please, Y/N, let me explain, I would never do this on my own and no matter how hurt you are, you must know that.”

“Get to the point.”

A heavy sigh left his lips, his eyes searching hers in despair only to get blocked by a thick wall she built around herself, making her eyes so cold they could freeze over an entire ocean.

“Remember that time you were knocked out on the rooftop? On that mission, we prepared for an entire month when you were caught last minute. I told you that I saved you. I lied. I was caught too, before you. They manipulated me, Y/N, they pushed a gun against your head and made me choose. To kill you or work undercover for them. What was I supposed to do? Tell them to just shoot you?”

“So you chose to betray your entire family and get us all killed?”

“I didn’t know it would get to this! Even when I was given my final mission by them, they swore not to kill you.”

“And they didn’t. They tortured me instead, stripped me of my humanity and my will to continue living. I should thank you, right?”

“All I did was to try to protect you!”

“And that worked out really well, didn’t it?”

It was so hard to keep their voices hushed enough when both of them were near their breaking point, emotions high and spilling over the edge, burning in their veins and darkening their eyes. Donghyuck’s presence and voice still stirred something in Y/N no one else could and she hated herself for allowing him to still hold her feelings in his palm and play with them however he desired.

“Y/N, I couldn’t sit there and tell them to shoot you. All I could think was that if they killed you, I would have been over. Everything would have been over, for me and for you. It would have been the end.”

“So you put us before everyone else.”

“Yes, Y/N, I fucking put you first, and I would do it all over again if it means you’ll get to live. You are my goddamn everything and I will be damned before I let you get taken away from me.”

“Then you are damned, Haechan.” She made a small pause as if recollecting her hazy thoughts “You lost me the moment you signed their deaths.” Both of them understood who she was referring to.

His eyes lost focus for a moment, his lips parted in astonishment. He had to make her understand. Now that she was standing a mere meter away from him he couldn’t let her slip from his fingers a second time. It wasn’t an option he could accept.

“Y/N, you don’t get it. It would have been hell, for me and for the guys too for sure. I couldn’t have lived knowing that I watched you die before my eyes helplessly, that my world shattered before my eyes and I watched the shards pierce my heart out while our story just began. Dying means nothing to me compared to losing you.”

And at that moment something clicked inside Y/N’s brain. She believed Donghyuck at that moment, she believed that the knowledge of her being alive meant more to him than his own steady breathing. She believed Haehcan when he said that he would walk through a burning hell and wilt slowly every day without his own oxygen. She believed Donghycuk.

And that’s why she switched the aim of her gun from Donghyuck’s forehead to her own, pressing the cold barrel to her temple, right where a former bruise from his own hit had faded a while ago.

Y/N had to admit, in all the years she’s known Donghyuck, she had never seen such agony twist his face. His eyes had never been darker and more fueled by such raw desperation that it almost made her tremble. The pain in his features could make mountains bow their peaks and poke through Donghyuck’s heart to feel it bleed tears. He could barely keep himself from reaching forward and aggressively snatch the weapon away from his love, scold her into next week from ever considering bringing it so close to her face.

“Y/N no, anything but that. Please, stop this, you’ve come so far, I’ll help you escape, I’ll run away with you, we’ll start over, just please. Please not this.”

He was almost sobbing, breathless from the waves crashing down on him, drowning him in regret and hopelessness. 

“I don’t want any of that, Haechan. You lost me when you betrayed us and I lost myself when I lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me, you’ll never lose me.”

“Not only you, Haechan. Maybe you were the biggest piece of my heart, but the rest were pieces too. And too many of them are missing to still be considered a heart.”

He couldn’t lose the fight, he couldn’t back off, but he could see just how much he had hurt her. He wanted only the best, but he could only watch as Y/N withered away and he was left scrambling around, trying to gather the fragments of a broken soul.

“You can’t do this to me. You promised me that night that you’ll always love me no matter what. You promised, Y/N! You promised!”

His voice cracked under the pressure of losing her. He couldn’t grasp the concept of this being the last time he sees her eyes, the two galaxies that brought him such euphoria whenever he caught a glimpse of them. He couldn’t accept letting her go after everything, watching his own sun pale before him and go out, leaving no trace behind her for Haechan to hold onto.

“I did promise and I still love Donghyuck. I still love the Hyuck who fake cried with me the first time I had to get stitches, who danced with me at midnight after I had to kill someone to survive just to calm me down, who held the world in his palm but still smiled like a kid. I still love him and I’ll love Donghyuck until my heart bleeds out of love. But I don’t love and I have never loved the monster who stands before me.”

He couldn’t hold it anymore. He felt himself burst with ripples of despair as rivers of tears carved their way into his skin, burning through the cracks and surfacing the real him, the one who was forcefully thrown aside and crumpled. His soul seared through the breaches and begged for anything, for another chance, for another life, for his lover.

Y/N felt a single tear slip down her face too, a lone drop that encased her suffering, the loss of her family, her soulmate and herself, a regretful goodbye that echoed through their bodies painfully.

“Y/N please, please, anything, I’ll do anything., just please…”

His words got lost in between his sobs as he could barely hold himself from falling apart. He couldn’t do it, not anymore.

Shuffling could be heard from the other side of the door, hurried steps, and even voices. They were loud, but neither Y/N nor Haechan seemed to care about them too much, imprisoned in their last shared moment, a silent confession tying the two of them. But Y/N knew she had to hurry. She had never backed down and this wasn’t the moment to.

“Haechan,” He was already gazing at her, eyes swimming in tears made of piercing stardust and broken bonds, “tell Donghyuck I’ll always love him.”

He shattered. He snapped apart as she closed her eyes and he couldn’t contain his movements as he jerked forward in a desperate attempt to protect her one last time, now from herself.

But he was a moment too late as two loud bangs shook the entire room and deafening silence followed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ I am only loyal to love.”

Donghyuck’s knees buckled and he thought his heart might just explode at that moment. He could barely take a hurried stride forward in a desperate attempt to rip the gun from Y/N’s hands before he froze in his spot, his eyes enlarging almost comically as his lips parted, leaving his mouth open agape, a hand stretched to its full extent forward, a breath away from coming in contact with the girl whose words squeezed his heart so painfully moment ago.

Y/N also stopped in her tracks, the finger still firmly pressed against the trigger, but the expression that overcame Donghyuck’s features was enough to make her hesitate to fully seal her chosen fate. Her entire body went stiff and she mentally reprimanded herself for putting her plan on hold after everything she went through to get to this point. It only proved to herself that she wasn’t as strong as she thought she was and the thought left an ugly tear in her mind.

But as Y/N studied the boy’s frozen face, Donghyuck’s eyes slipped past her face, staring intently behind her, his pupils dilating even more from the icy fear that spread across his entire chest. He was face to face with the barrel of a gun, reflections of the artificial light that came from the cheap light bulb on the ceiling of the room bringing out every corner and bump of the weapon that was pointed straight at his head and seemed to already burn a hole through his forehead.

Donghyuck slightly shifted his gaze upwards, meeting the cold eyes of the gun’s owner, eyes that could freeze the harshest hell and turn the bravest heroes into stone at a mere glance. Donghyuck’s breath hitched in his throat, a weird mix of emotions drowning his already messy rationality, their eye contact enough to make his soul force a try to leave his body on spot.

“Don’t you dare touch her.”

The voice was stern and so glacial that Donghyuck felt a chill run deep down in his bones. But while Donghyuck felt locked in a freezing hell, Y/N felt a hot pang ripping a shudder through her entire body. Her prior thoughts dissipated into thin air as she forgot all about the golden rule of never turning your back to the enemy and spun on her heels so fast it would have made her dizzy if not for the adrenaline that seemed to further spur her on as every second passed.

“Step away from her.”

She didn’t have to turn around to know whose voice spoke but the disbelief ran so deep in her heart that she desperately needed concrete evidence, she needed to see him. She needed to put a face to the voice that comforted her during her most ruthless nightmares and wrapped her in a blanket of safety that seemed untouchable by anyone who ever dared to lay a finger on her. She was already so hurt, so weakened it didn’t take a genius to imagine what she had to go through.

“Now, Haechan.”

She needed to see Johnny standing unharmed before her eyes.

“How is this possible?”

Donghyuck’s voice cracked, overcome by shock, but his legs instinctively carried him back a few steps, responding to the tone he knew Johnny only used when his job required him to put on his cruel mask. It was the voice that let everyone know the game was over. Y/N could barely feel herself breathe and for a moment she wondered if she was truly alive, if she had actually pulled the trigger or if she went crazy and her mind was playing some twisted game with her. Her entire body started shaking almost violently and her throat closed up, leaving her mouth dry. It was so hard for her to process seeing Johnny breathing in arms reach after weeks of being forced to believe that NCT was dead, that her family perished before she could see them one more time. It felt like an illusion threatening to swallow up her sanity.

Johnny’s eyes stayed trained on Donghyuck as if he could take the younger boy apart with just the look he was shooting him. He dearly wanted to turn to Y/N, to hold her and assure her she was finally safe, that he would die before he let anyone else touch her again, but there was enough time to do that after they got rid of the problem at hand. He let out a quiet snort, regarding Donghyuck with disgust as he stepped forward, past Y/N and towering over Donghyuck.

“Surprised to see me, you bastard? Seems like your little stunt didn’t work as well as you hoped.”

Johnny harshly gripped the shorter boy’s collar, raising him slightly so that he was forced to balance himself on his tip-toes with a gun pressed to his forehead, digging into his skin. Donghyuck seemed to recover from the shock of coming face to face with his supposedly dead ex-member and his eyes cleared up a little, meeting Johnny’s in a vicious clash.

“How are you alive?”

A humorless laugh slipped past Johnny’s lips.

“I will spare you the painful details, but I must say that this low gang of yours is dumber than I initially thought.”

Y/N’s mind was nearly blank, still trying to process the sight of his falling and rising chest of the man who swore more times than she could remember that he would protect her until his last breath. He was in front of her and if she reached her hand, she could easily touch his tensed back. He was alive and well and that was more than enough to set her will to fight alight once again.

“Are you hesitating? Why don’t you finish this off once and for all? Traitors don’t have the right to live, am I right?”

“But neither do they have the right to such a quick, painless death.”

A shaky, frail hand softly touched the arm holding the gun to Donghyuck’s head and Johnny’s nerves calmed down, basking in the familiar touch he went crazy without for the past weeks. Still, the firm grip on the gun didn’t lessen and neither did it move away from Donghyuck’s skin. 

“Johnny.”

Her voice was weaker than ever and it didn’t fail to make Johnny’s heart tremble with regret. He knew they had to leave, but he couldn’t wait anymore to ask what he had been wondering since their ambush.

“Why did you do this, Haechan?”

Johnny’s voice was softer, either from Y/N’s touch lingering on his arm or from the reminiscence of the madness he went through. Donghyuck’s eyes lowered, his words came out mumbled and filled with sorrow.

“I did what I thought was right.”

“And you thought it was right to send us to sure death and make her go through torture? Is that what you thought was right?”

Donghyuck’s composure broke at that, his tone cutting through steel as his gaze became venomous.

“It’s so easy for you to talk! You didn’t have to watch helplessly as that sick excuse of a man pushed a gun against Y/N’s head and demanded that you choose between her life and everyone else’s! You have no idea…”

His voice got lost again between his train of jumbled thoughts, feeling as if he just relived his worst experiences. Johnny’s burning gaze looked straight through him, cracking him little by little. Gunshots echoed from downstairs, muffled by the distance but loud enough for Johnny to know that the rest of the members were taking care of Park Ji-won and the situation he had caused with no mercy.

“Maybe not, but I had to watch our members die before my eyes and find out everything went down because the kid we raised and loved all along betrayed us. I had to go through weeks of searching and waiting all while grieving in hopes of finding Y/N alive just to burst through the door and see her pressing a gun to her own head. I think it’s you who has no idea, Haechan.”

Y/N’s grip on the fabric that covered Johnny’s skin tightened at the mention that some of her members were actually gone. Her heart sunk heavily at the thought, her mind becoming cloudy once again. Of course, it was too good to be true, no victory could be gained without a loss, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to come face to face with such a loss.

But Donghyuck’s chest also tightened painfully, despair crawling through his entire being and devouring his sanity with every word that left Johnny’s mouth. 

“I tried, hyung, I really did. Please believe me, I tried.”

Y/N didn’t know what broke her the most. She felt hurt everywhere, every bit of her being felt as if it was being burnt inside out and a weight heavier than the world fell on her shoulders, making her resolve collapse. 

“Who are you loyal to, Haechan?”

He didn’t hesitate, the response was immediate and his voice didn’t waver a bit as if there was only one possible answer and he only stated the obvious.

“I am only loyal to Y/N. I am only loyal to love.”

There was a pregnant silence. The air was heavy, choking Y/N up even more and she lowered her forehead against Johnny's back, needing any kind of support she could get at the moment just to be able to keep herself upright. Her surroundings were spinning and the world seemed to be a mere illusion as she let herself be swallowed up by a numbing pain. Her sudden unsteadiness snapped the two males out of their daze.

“Y/N, hey!”

At the sight of her so frail, Donghyuck forgot all about the gun and reached out a hand to cradle the back of her head, a weak attempt to ground her, to bring her any comfort. Johnny slightly flinched at the movement before pulling Donghyuck's hand away and wrapping his free arm around the girl in turn, not moving the gun away from Donghyuck.

“I told you not to touch her.”

But Johnny seemed conflicted. He knew he couldn’t let Donghyuck walk on his own, as much as the boy’s words touched his heart in ways Johnny couldn’t believe existed anymore, he couldn’t trust him anymore, not even to walk downstairs where the rest of the members were taking out Park Ji-won and the rest of his men. Letting Donghyuck walk alone wasn’t a solution, but having to let Y/N go from his hold only hurt his heart furthermore. She was shaking so violently that a gust of wind could have broken her in two and with the way she tried to curl into herself as if to protect herself from the outside world, Johnny feared that the moment he stopped supporting her body she would collapse on the floor. Before he could make a decision, Y/N stepped away from under his arm and raised her head to meet Johnny’s eyes.

“Let’s go.”

He wanted to protest at first, concerned to the moon and back about her state, but the gaze she shot the pair of males was enough to settle the matters. She wasn’t fine, not at all. She didn’t suddenly recover and become stronger in less than a minute. She was afraid and hurt and broken inside out. But she decided that the fear of losing anybody else while wallowing in her own pity was stronger than her need to be held at the moment. They had to get out first and then she’d allow herself to crash.

Johnny gripped Donghyuck’s arm tightly and brought the younger in front of himself as they started walking towards the door. Donghyuck didn’t put up a fight, walking silently at the same rhythm as Johnny, knowing that the faster they arrived at the others, the faster Y/N could be attended to and that was his only priority. Y/N had always been his first and only priority and it would stay that way until his last breath.

“Keep your hands up and open. Don’t make any sudden moves.”

Donghyuck complied silently, raising his hands in front of him. As they exited the room, Y/N could finally hear the voices downstairs, some of them familiar. There were no gunshots anymore, meaning the job was finished. She couldn’t understand their words, but it was enough for an ounce of relief to blossom in her soul. While walking down the hallway that led to the same stairs she had sneaked up that same night, Y/N held her gun up, keeping her guard up despite Johnny’s assurance that they were safe, that the members took care of everything.

“Just to be sure. I won’t risk losing you now.”

Johnny’s heart warmed up at her words, knowing that she would be fine eventually. She was stronger than she gave herself credit for, they would help her recover and they were going to have their Y/N back in no time. He would make sure of that. 

As they descended the stairs, Donghyuck felt choked up. How could he meet their eyes? How could he look straight at them after what he had done? How could he wish for forgiveness when some of their members died by his hand? He kept his lips sealed shut, trying to keep down the nervousness building up inside himself and threatening to overflow his senses.

As the living room came into view astonishment was the only word that matched Y/N’s reaction. She had seen death many times before, she had looked it in the eyes and laughed before slipping away from its grasp. Death and blood were no new thing to her and she had been sure that nothing related to them would be able to affect her after everything she had been through. But never in her life had she seen so much death in a single room.

It was clear none of the boys had shown any remorse or mercy. Most of the kills were clean, a single shot or slash to vital parts of the body. There seemed to be bodies decorating every corner of the room and Y/N was sure there had to be more around the house. The only one who sported multiple deep wounds was Park Ji-won. He was laid face-down in the middle of the carpet, crimson blood staining the expensive fabric that covered the entire floor. He must have been tormented before her members decided to spare him from further painstakingly slow suffering and gave him a final blow. Y/N felt a sick swirl of satisfaction deep in her chest at the sight.

Her eyes moved around and the only emotion she could fully decipher was pure joy. She felt almost overwhelmed by the heavenly storm going on inside her head when she caught sight of her members, the family she thought she had lost until mere moments ago. She had her angels back and if she were to die tomorrow she thought that she might actually not regret anything. Her heart soared with a profound feeling of euphoria and she truly felt that she had swum across oceans, climbed the way to the moon and back, but she felt no exhaustion. Y/N knew she would do it all over again for them.

Between the familiar faces, she could also pinpoint a few other members from their label. She knew they had worked with her members in the past, but she never met them officially, but that only served to pinch her heart even further. They didn’t know her, but they still put their lives on the line to save her, to honor her wronged members. And she couldn’t be more grateful.

“Y/N!”

Her eyes cleared as they met his, as sparkly as she remembered them and for the first time in God knows how long Y/N smiled, truly smiled out of clear happiness. He was there, looking at her as if she had put the stars at his feet with his lips parted, allowing air to flow through his lung that felt clogged up since the day of her mission. She was there, meeting his eyes with such raw emotion that he could feel his heart turn to jelly and tremble, scared by the strength she possessed over his entire being. She didn’t break her promise to him, she was standing in front of Mark, with a smile nonetheless.

Donghyuck could only watch. Oh, how he missed her, the her that resembled an innocent child who spread sunshine on a gloomy day. She was ethereal, out of this world and he desperately wished he could be the one to meet her tender gaze, but he just observed in silence as he lost her little by little. It didn’t matter that much to him, as long as she was happy, he could endure a war on his own, raging waves of fire overcoming his weakened heart that seemed to only beat for her, beasts clawing at his sanity that only cleared over at the sight of her. She was his all.

And if he could only admire from afar, he would let the world rip away his soul just to spend a moment longer worshiping the only smile in the world that mattered to him. Haechan swore loyalty to his love for her and he would die loving her.

Y/N started moving further from him, her steps directed towards Mark, who also left his initial spot to meet her in the middle. But nothing ever came that easily, did it?

While the room gazed softly at their regained strength, the exit out of a tangled maze they had been wandering through aimlessly, Haechan ripped his eyes away from her, distracted by the small movement he managed to catch with the corner of his eye. His heart dropped to the floor, crunching under the weight of his rushed footsteps.

“Y/N!”

The light in Mark’s orbs darkened and his eyes widened even more, changing his entire face. His voice cracked at the end of his yell and he broke into a sprint towards her, frantically reaching out a shaky hand. As Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she felt an arm tightening around her, and then another one and a body slammed into hers, knocking the both of them to the ground. She was enveloped by Donghyuck’s familiar scent and Y/N was vividly reminded of her dream back in her cell, Mark’s footsteps fading into the distance while Donghyuck kept her impossibly close to himself. And she was once again reminded that Donghyuck was the one who held her heart in the palm of his hand, playing it on his fingers and he would remain her keeper until the end of times.

“I love you.” It was such a mellow whisper, like honey coating the petals of a newly blossomed flower, beautiful, but so fragile.

But the loud gunshot that followed wasn’t part of the dream.

The collision with the hard floor was anything but soft and it took Y/N several seconds to recover from the unexpected fall. Her head felt dizzy and her vision swarm as she attempted to lift her head. Donghyuck’s weight on top of her already weak self made it difficult to breathe properly, but the churning feeling settling at the pit of her stomach dropped her in a hollowness of fear.

Before Y/N could struggle furthermore, Haechan moved away from her, and Mark’s fingers wrapped gingerly around her arms, lifting her in a sitting position.

“You’re alright, oh my God, you’re alright.”

His calloused hands gripped the sides of her face the moment another shot echoed, this time coming from one of their members. Despite Mark’s attempts at keeping her still, she caught a glimpse of Minho falling to the floor, a gun gripped in his hand tightly until his last moment.

“Shit”

The hiss coming from Johnny who was crouched beside them and the dark look in Mark’s dread-filled orbs were enough for the realization to dawn on Y/N. She hastily tried to turn around, praying to be wrong, but Mark forcefully tugged her against himself, tucking her face in his chest and keeping her in her sport with a hand cradling the back of her head and an iron-tight grip around her waist. She started pushing back against him, desperately trying to escape his hold, but Mark’s hold only tightened.

“Y/N stop, you don’t want to look!”

“Let me go, please. Mark, let go!”

Y/N’s breaths quickened as she could hear rushed shuffling around them. The struggle against Mark was nothing compared to the storm raging inside her, but as she heard a muffled sob from their side, she found an inner strength she didn’t know she possessed any more. She pushed Mark away with such force he was ripped away from her, falling back on his heels.

Her head snapped and she mentally collapsed, letting herself drown along with her uncontrollable demons at the sight burned deep inside her soul. The dull ache that numbed overtime broke into a full-blown fire spreading across her chest, burning down the last of her hope, the last of her sanity, her last bit of happiness.

“No.”

She choked on her words, crawling closer to Donghyuck whose eyes starred emptily at the ceiling above them, fading into nothing, the shell of her lost lover. Her knees soaked in blood as she settled beside him, reaching out a quivery hand to brush against his cheek. It was still warm and soft and it only spurred Y/N’s devastation further on.

“No, Hyuck, you can’t, you can’t.”

The sun of her world faded away, her sunshine slipped through her fingers, leaving her locked into a scary hell where no light was able to breach its walls, a frozen second in time that would bring her doom. She tried to shake him, miserably grasping on her straightened lifeline.

“I can’t without you, Hyuckie, I can’t.”

Her voice rose in volume and once Mark’s knuckles touched her shoulder, she lost it. She lost her everything, she lost herself.

“You told me it’ll be the both of us until the end, I can’t go on alone, Hyuckie, please, please you can’t do this! Not now, please! We were so close, sunshine, so close!”

“Y/N, stop-”

“Wake up, dammit! Don’t leave me alone, Hyuck! My sun, please, keep on shining…”

Her tears left trails of dying fire against her cheeks, ashes of sorrow mixing with the crimson underneath them. She closed her eyes, she wasn’t able to watch her world wither away underneath her fingertips. Her body was trembling, a wilted leaf blown away with the wind whispering the promise of her end. Johnny reached out, gently closing Haechan’s eyelids. 

Y/N leaned her forehead on his, her nose touching his, their lips a breath apart, a breath that was stolen away from him. She realized then that losing him was never an option for her, not even when her gun was still pointed at him, not even when she called him a monster. A monster wasn’t able to love, but he proved his purest form of love.

“I love you too, Donghyuck, too much and too late.”

He was her ride or die and she had just lost her ride, a ride to happiness, to the future she had been dreaming of since Haechan first shone on her and held her in his embrace, her cheek pressed against his chest where she could hear the steady heartbeat she would sell her soul for not that her breath was the only one fawning across his face.

The world around Y/N darkened and she knew her chance perished, the fire keeping her alive going out faster than the warmth leaving Haechan’s body.

“I love you to the end and after.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her fingers ran over the engraved letters in stone, the large pieces of marble attached to the wall in front of her only sticking needles deeper under her skin. She knew the room very well, although it had never hurt as much to step inside as it did now. The room of memories as everyone associated with SM calls it. Since the bodies of their fallen comrades can’t always be recuperated it was decided that they would dedicate a room to commemorate everyone. Simple, white pieces of marble with pictures and a small description decorated the walls of the room, the smell of flowers lingering in the air.

“Are you sure you’re good to be here?”

His arm brushed against hers as he regarded her with cautious eyes. Her dislocated shoulder was immobilized and most of her skin was covered in bandages and soothing cream, but both of them knew he wasn’t talking about those wounds.

“Mark, I told you I’m fine.”

Her words didn’t convince anyone, a glance at her blank eyes was enough to confirm the freezing hollowness filling her from the inside.

She locked eyes with Jungwoo’s picture, puppy eyes staring kindly back at her. Such pure happiness lost in the cruel world. He cried every time he was forced to take a life saying that all he wanted was to keep his dear ones safe as their medic and their rock. And he did in the end, he kept them safe until his last breath.

“He was braver than I’ve ever seen him.”

Mark’s voice was somewhat dreamy, regretful but admiring.

“He had always been brave in his own way.”

Died healing his family - so fitting for the only thing he had ever wished for.

Y/N moved on to the next marble piece, Taeil’s fiery gaze sending chills down her spine. Always a fighter, showing no mercy to anyone who dared to threaten his family. He was always considered their shield, a safe place for anyone he held close to his burning heart.

“He died while protecting me, you know? I didn’t even realize what was happening, but he did and he didn’t hesitate to cover me.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Just like it wasn’t yours.” Y/N remained silent.

Died protecting his little brothers - it embodied his sole purpose.

Y/N chocked on air as she was met with her leader’s picture. She knew about his sacrifice, the way he selflessly laid his life at their enemy’s feet as long as the others were given a chance to survive, the way he didn’t hesitate for even a second to save what was left of the family he worked so hard to keep together. The hint of softness in his eyes reminded Y/N of the warmth of his hand the night she brought her into his home and declared her a part of them. She wished she had been able to thank him one last time.

Mark didn’t need to speak this time, he knew Y/N was deep in her mind, collecting her scattered thoughts in an attempt to gather herself before her guardian angel that got sent home before she could find comfort in his arms once more.

“Thank you, Taeyong, thank you more than I could ever express.”

Her voice was as shaky as her fingers, wavering at the edges like a wounded bird that tried to learn how to fly again.

Died as a true leader - as he would always stay in their hearts.

She could only stare with a vacant look glazing over her orbs at Donghyuck’s picture that followed. He was brightly smiling and Y/N could remember the way he strongly refused to stay serious for any picture taken, the way his eyes always shone brighter as his nose scrunched up and his lips pulled back in a blinding smile that stole away her eyes from anything else other than him.

Now his picture only sent rivers of anguish down her skin, cracking her soul open at the sight of him. She thought that she was her half, but she was wrong. Donghyuck was the glue keeping her pieces together, raising her up to hover above skies and oceans. Without him she could only crawl in pitch dark pits, a numbing cold seeping deeper and deeper in herself and freezing her in time.

Y/N lowered her head, too overwhelmed to lock eyes with him.

“I lost, Mark, I’m lost.”

Mark could only swallow the knot in his throat. He slithered his warm fingers through Y/N’s, grounding her to the world, keeping her mind with him.

“You’ll get back up, losing doesn’t mean it ended.”

“No, it ended the moment I lost him.”

“But you didn’t lose him, Y/N.”

She slowly looked up, meeting Mark’s gaze. His eyes had a sad sparkle, a piece of the moon residing in them, bringing a shine of light in the dark night. He had a small smile that somehow made Y/N trust him despite her confusion and pain. He continued to watch her as she moved her stare to the piece of marble before them.

“If you look around, you’ll find him everywhere.”

Y/N understood. She felt Donghyuck in the warmth radiating from Mark’s hand wrapped around hers, a heat she found comfort in during the darkest of days. She felt Donghyuck in the soft rays of sun cascading through the small window and caressing her soul the way Donghyuck used to caress her heart with a few mere words that soothed her distress. She felt Donghyuck in the heartbeat pounding against her rib cage, in every breath that filled her lungs, in each moment that passed. He was still there, with her.

Died loyal to love

And the sun kept on shining


End file.
